Foxy Tann The Boss of Burlesque Minneapolis

I may vomit! Seriously...

OK…this is just a bit much! There I am reading the NYTimes about how tassel twirling has become a radical feminist pass-time and what the fuck do I see? An ad for Ghost: The Musical! Is anyone as horrified by this as I am? Seriously! The Musical! It is like producers/directors/playwrights have lost all sense of artistic integrity! Cannot they come up with a single original idea? I have plenty…really I do. I would even sell a couple of them to the producers of Ghost: The Musical. How about “The Republican Follies: A Travesty” or “American Idiot: The True Story of Michele Bachmann”. These are timely and guaranteed comedic riots! But not Ghost!!! It wasn’t that good the first time around. The Swaze (RIP!) and Demi (poor thing) just aren’t that good, and let’s not get into Whoopie winning the Oscar for that trivial piece of crap…I mean Jumping Jack Flash was better! I am so sorry, I am off into rant world…stay tuned for a FABULOUS photo of ShellyB deepthroating a corndog! A little gift from The Fox to you!

MIDNIGHT MUSE REVIEW

I am just tickled black to be returning to the great city of Rochester, MN for The Midnight Muse’s Holi-Tease Show! I had a fantabulous time there the last time and I KNOW that it will be equally as fantabulous this time…so if you ain’t got nothin’ goin’ on on December 29th you should haul your ass down south and tip a couple back with The Fox and watch some of the finest burlesque and variety performance in Minnesota!

Isn’t this the cutest little banner? The boys in Copenhagen are doing The Fox proud! So as you can tell I am off to Denmark on Wednesday for The New Burlesque Festival which is showing on Friday and Saturday AND seems to be SOLD OUT! Beautiful!!! Now another thing that makes The Fox just ecstatic is the fact that the government of Denmark is actually funding this festival and has made it possible for me to attend. This is shocking to me…I mean, if I applied for a grant to mount a show of crazy cross dressing strippers and dragqueen djs I might be turned over to the NSA for terroristic art that is ruining the youth of tomorrow! I think that the good ol’ US of A could learn a few things from the Scandahoovians…they think that arts can employ people as well as McDonalds! As I have said before, a bunch of artists would be able to employ more people on $100,000 than any corporation I know, AND would make untold folx of the general public happy and hot and bothered all at the same time! The Scandahoovians seem to get this, why can’t Americans? I am just sayin’…

Kate Valentine is the performer who made me about pee myself when I saw her for the first time in Vegas in 2006 at the then Miss Exotic World Competition. As Miss Astrid Von Voomer she said the unsayable, did the undoable, and just was generally a woman after The Fox’s heart. She was a kindred soul and welcomed me to the burlesque community with open arms when so many were like who the fuck are you! I thank you Kate and burlesque will thank you in the end because someone needed to rip this fucking bandaid off and you were the only one with clout and balls (shouldn’t that be tits/boobs or some such thing) to do it!

Please read the following article and internalize it and live it. I try to and so should you!
State of the Union of Burlesque
 

Prof HB put this HardCore Pastie on the Focus 3 months ago...2000 miles later, thru sleet, rain, furnace like heat it still spins like the first day it was adhered! With Medical Adhesive!!! And that is the original No Wrinkle Tassel btw! Don't ever say that we don't test our product for durability!

The Fox and Professor HoneyBunny are announcing the official launch their slightly obsessive  dream of reinventing the workhorse of  burlesque!

HardCore Pasties!
I travel a lot. So there are certain things that are important to me in a pastie, and I just hadn’t found them all in the same product. And being the upstart type, Professor HB said

“DIY, baby.”

The Fox’s Pastie Wish List
1. Durable – wouldn’t it be nice to pull out a pair of pasties that had been smashed into an incredibly well packed gear bag and not have to tease them back into shape like they were Hugh Hefner’s before viagra?
2. Lightweight – I like a little bit of bling…I want more…but it would be nice if my pasties didn’t weigh 5o lbs a piece…it is hard enough fighting gravity as it is!
3. Washable – I use medical adhesive…I happen to be a sweaty betty and I am a wee bit paranoid about the popping a pastie thing so I want security and the best thing that I had found (up until recently – more soon I promise) was medical adhesive. It builds up on the inside of the very busy pastie and it is next to impossible to get it off once it has bonded to any sort of fabric/buckram/foam/car exterior. Soooo, after 6 months your brand new pastie with a couple a hundred dollahs worth of sparkle on ‘em are fucking USELESS! I want to be able to get medical adhesive off of the inside of my pastie and make them sparkling and brand new once again.
4. Versatile – I like a well put together costume now and again . I like it when my pasties match my stuff exquisitely. like t a tee. But not all costumes make it to the end times right? Sometimes they get retired! But what about the pasties with yet again a couple a hundred dollahs worth of bling on em? Why can’t I get those damn things off without ruining them? Why do I practically have to reinvent the wheel each time I gotta do a custom pair for a new costume huh? It should be easier than this!

HardCore is our answer to this wish list…I cannot think what burlesque performer wouldn’t want these…but you but there is no accounting for taste…get a pair…let me know what you think…check out our other problem solving products as well…it can’t hurt, now can it?

Professor HoneyBunny and I went to Des Moines on Friday. That is  how we do burlesque. Hop in the be-pastied Focus and go.  As Satan’s Angel would say, “Have tassels, will travel.” I have been around the block, folx, and Des Moines was shocking!  There are stories to tell, and this is only the beginning…

The act that was on before me was a comedy act…a sort of preacher thing…skinny white boy with two scantily clad altar boys…cute!…he get’s to preachin’…about the sinning ways of liberals…their obsession with sex, nudity, indecency…and where are those liberals comin’ from? MINNEAPOLIS…those liberals come from Minnesota…and nothing but trash comes out of the Land of 10000 Lakes…Thank you Jesus for Michele Bachmann, the saving grace of Minnesota and the nation…the audience obviously knows and loves him and is with him every step of the way…I get it, it’s a bit, it works and normally I would have been right there with him…but I WAS NEXT!!! He winds it up…applause, whistling, screaming, woo hooing…emcee, and I quote “And next up, ladies and gentlemen, our headliner all the way from Minneapolis…Foxy Tann!!”…silence…I think I heard a cricket…I walk out on stage, and thank God there was music or I would have been able to hear the ice melting in their drinks…nothin’ folks, I got nothin’…it was the hardest 3 minutes of my life…polite golf clap…and away I go…to get a drink…I run into the preacher he says, and I quote, “Wow, is your second number better than your first?”

BURLESQUE LEGEND Satan’s Angel, Queen of The Fire Tassels in Colorado Springs!

I cannot think of a better way to spend a weekend than hanging with Satan’s Angel and celebrating her birthday with a martini and a show! If you wanna see something out of hand this is the show(s) to see! I will be shepherding you through your experience and I can tell you that I don’t know what will happen but I am sure that it will be debaucherous!

Friday, September 16th
Satan’s Angel Story Telling
Zodiac Bar and Venue
Hosted By: Foxy Tann

Saturday- September 17th
Ta Ta Flambe’: A Night of Classic Burlesque
Stargazers Theater
Lola Spitfire will TWIRL Fire Tassels on stage w/ Satan’s Angel
Hosted By: Foxy Tann
Very Special Guest Performers: Kitty Crimson (Denver), StrOker Ace (Pueblo), Vivian Mirann (Albuquerque), Holly Rebelle (Albuquerque), Burlesque Noir (Albuquerque) and Tallulah St. James (Santa Fe)
PEAKS & PASTIES